Separate Vacations – Yes or No?

Okay, I know I’m long winded on this one, but I had to stop and think. Someone on Facebook asked a simple question: Separate vacations? Yes, or No?

A string of people responded Yes right away. One person pointed out that you have to trust your lover. Another said a little space wasn’t a bad thing. I understand why they say that, and I agree about both times.

My Beloved


Of course I trust my Beloved when she’s out of my site, and believe me when I say that she gets hit on a LOT (hot latina butch style). You have to trust your lover, but that’s not the point of the question to me.

When she and I go on vacation together we’re building memories, sharing life at the best of times on a vacation from the worst of times. We’re building our family history together, day by day through adventures and experience, laughter and tears, through lumpy hotel mattresses and over curious wait staff in restaurants.

Our vacation time is when we remember and reconnect with the passion that drove us together in the first place. Day to day life has a way of dragging us into a routine that can get tedious and boring. But no one ever knows what’s going to happen on vacation, which is why we avoid temptation together rather than alone.

If I’m going to get frisky and play around with someone, who better to raise my libidinal lust than the person I promised to love forever? If I’m going to spend time being romantic and seductive I’ll spend it on the person who has loved, supported, and nurtured me for the last thirteen years. Why waste my best moves on a stranger who won’t understand or appreciate the subtleties and nuances we two have worked out over the years?

And there’s another point. How much fun do/could I have when I’m not with her? We just came back from a vacation in Costa Rica. (I highly recommend it but take bug spray – we didn’t and came back with Dengue fever*). We stayed at an all inclusive resort and it was a bit of paradise I didn’t think I’d ever see in my lifetime. We’d saved for years and finally went.

Riu Guanacosta

Howler Monkey babies
A hiding crocodile

If I had gone alone to Costa Rica while my Beloved
went somewhere else I would still have seen my first wild crocodile and howler monkeys, met the friendly local people, eaten the same fabulous food, and enjoyed the absolutely perfect (if a little hot) weather sitting by the pool under thatch umbrellas.

Iguana eating mango

Riu Guanacasta Lobby

But she wouldn’t have seen the iguanas sneaking around to snatch up fallen flower petals before the vigilant groundskeepers raked them up. She wouldn’t have marched up to a server to ask if the cheese on my cracker was goat or sheep. She wouldn’t have returned the warm smile of the friendly waiter who greeted us each night. I could never have explained it to her half so well afterward, if she hadn’t experienced it with me.

A part of me would be wondering what she was doing. Was she enjoying herself? Did she miss me? I’d probably spend long hours of the vacation on the phone with her discussing the events of the days we hadn’t spent together.

And I would tell her all about my day because I tell her everything. We harbor no separate secrets from one another, and by going on vacation together I think we help keep it that way.

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