And, I won’t lie, I feel a little sad as I move through the stores and see the plenty – all the deliciousness I’m turning away from this season. Gingerbread cookies stand up on the bakery shelves and shout my name, as I wander past trying not to look them in the eye. Yule Log cakes with their promises of rolled up jelly cakes beckon with their frosting covered branches. Pies of many flavors try to toss themselves, like fattening frisbees, into my artfully dodging cart. Eggnog cartons line up like soldiers in the dairy aisle, saluting my resolute determination not to blow my chances for surgery a week from today. Although weight gain (or lack of loss) might be the least of my worries now.
I’m still dizzy. This is day five of being dizzy and I’ve been in contact with both the bariatric center and my primary care physician about possible reasons. I stopped in at our local fire station for a blood pressure check yesterday, and my numbers were 140 over 114. Not good. My blood pressure meds have been changed a couple of times lately, and clearly the new combination wasn’t making it. So I contacted my primary care physician, who added another med to the mix. Last night I wasn’t dizzy at all, and I was so hopeful. But today I’m once again swaying on my feet. I will have my blood pressure checked on Friday morning, and hopefully by then all this dizziness will be over once and for all. The irony is, of course, that after I’ve lost some weight, my blood pressure should regain normal levels without medication.
I’m still ignoring the big question – and I am stating it in words here because I want to commit myself to asking it. Am I doing this surgery primarily for my health, or primarily to finally achieve the life-long goal of a slender (i.e. beautiful) body?
Time is getting short – and I need to make absolutely sure that I really want this irreversible change to my body, and all that entails. Thanks for keeping me company as I try to figure it all out, watching snippets of baking competitions and weaving through the shopping with my pre-op blinders on. There is, after all, next year. And hopefully by that time I’ll have learned how to handle my new body and new appetite. By then the Gingerbread Man will be my friend once more, although I’ll probably never enjoy his company as much as I have in years past.
Oh well, there’s always Pumpkin Spice Greek yogurt…