Excerpt from We Don’t Say Gay at Tranquility Bay

The buttinski acts like he knows better than me, the principal. Like with this Nick troublemaker. Kirk wiped sweat from his receding hairline again and considered his position.

If news of this video got out there would be a terrific scandal, of that, he was sure. T. Bay’s on track to win the division title in hockey and with that Cain kid we might go all the way to win State, and dare he even think it? Nationals! There cannot be a scandal.

Mrs. Brandenburg and members of the Families for Educating Students Traditionally (formerly known as Parents for Educating Students Traditionally until someone pointed out the acronym) would be outraged if this video created a scandal. At least part of it clearly took place on school grounds, which they considered their territory. It would not suit the FEST political agenda to have trouble of this nature become public.

Can I get YouCue to take the video down? Maybe, or maybe it isn’t really necessary anyway. It took a month for that prying, nosy old ferret to find it. No one else saw it, or if they did it didn’t make them so uncomfortable they phoned the school. Maybe the video is like so many other things kids do nowadays, in the realm of the internet and far, far away from their parents. Thank God for small favors.

The Tranquility Bay school board made it abundantly clear to every principal in the district that no member of staff could address a student’s sexual orientation without facing dismissal charges. No one wanted to risk that, least of all Kirk. The whole unfortunate incident stemmed directly from this disturbed kid’s homosexuality. I’m right ignoring the situation; it’s not the school’s business whether the boy is gay or not. And Kirk had the garment in question removed from the flagpole the moment he saw it. The boxers are still locked in a drawer in my office. He suddenly felt queasy. Oh…um, I’ll throw them out first thing Monday morning.

Some pundits on talk radio discussed the choice to be gay, the loose morality that led to a lifestyle full of AIDS and STDs. What an unsavory element to have in his clean, decent school. Maybe Kirk could find a reason to expel the homo, get him out of Tranquility Bay High.

His parents should put him in one of those reparative therapy places and get him cured. That would get him out of school for a while anyway. But he couldn’t suggest therapy, what with the ban on discussing it at all, and if he did mention it those wannabe parents would expect the school to pay for it.No it won’t do to get too involved. I’ll find out if I can get YouCue to take down the video, otherwise I’ll pretend it never happened. That would be the way he would handle it; no reason to get the school board involved.